Insults

Insults can be fun.

What?

I mean, not if they're for real. But Justin and I had some fun texting each other insults back and forth today. XD

Me: Rawr

Him: Bleargh (8^P)

Me: What kind of a lame smiley has a nose?

Him: You

Me: Noses are rarely used to express emotion and therefore do not have a regular place in emoticons.

Me: I'm not smiling

Me: And your fingers are like batman's lip

(whatever that means XD)

Him: Therefore, whitherto, and henceforth, you shall be known as...
As...
I'll get back to you on that.

Me: And your knees are yoshi's favorite toadstool.

Him: Well that's better than can be said of yours.

Me: Your knotted brow is like a thousand burning farmhouses in a village plundered by vikings

Him: Then I guess it's a good thing I don't tie it in knots.

Me: Your ugly mug usurps jaba the hutt's favorite mug of coffee

Me: Your stature resembles that of a cave troll on a diet

Him: But my mug didn't get get shot like yours, you felon.

Me: you corkswabbering choice waistshirt

Me: Nerfherder

Him: You blithering idiot!

Me: Arrow fodder

Me: Thou art but an apprentice in insults. Corkwatering fledgeslaughter

Him: Aye aye, sir; shorten the powder and double the fuse.

(I don't know why he randomly quoted Smee)

Me: Was that meant to wound me, infant?

Him: Forsooth, thou dost wound me grievously, thou doddering curmudgeon.

Me: Sniffling babes assail me not. Can I talk to someone with at least the intelligence of a wet towel?

Him: Ah, so thou woudst bandy insults wit those of thine own intelligence rather than thy superiors?

Me: I do not consider mine own wit to be mighty, but only a thousand times yours and I am satisfied.

Him: An aimless army of a thousand may be taken down by an individual with a purpose.

Me: Aye but when an army has purpose what chance does the one have? Go back to thy cradle and whine for thy mother to change thy diaper, along with thy circuits, methinks they are defective

Him: The guile of an ocelot may mask the ferocity of the sloth within.

Me: So you mean I can scare people without actually putting any effort into it! Sweet! I have skilllllllzzzzz

(Here I looked back at him and gave him a superior look and we gigglesnorted.)

Him: Aye, thy scurvy-ridden face frightens them regardless.

Me: Thou surely mistakes me for another! For alas, it is not me who faces thee but a mirror glass.

Me: (I am actually that strange shadow behind you with the machete)

Him: Ah, but it be one of those one-way mirrors, and I be on the side that sees through it all, even your transparent plot.

Me: Well it's still not me you saw seeing as I'm behind you (stab) but good try anyway.

Him: Alas, poor Richard! He was an admirable robotic dummy, as his intelligence far surpassed yours.

Me: Obviously not his spatial intelligence as he was not aware of my presents at all, they were nice expensive ones too.

Him: Vast are the credit card companies of the world, yet such an expenditure that exceeds your limit of credit has not escaped their notice.

Me: I used cash, vulgar swede (Note: no offence to swedish people! Sorry!)! If thou dost think me a foolish user of others' riches, thou art SORELY mistaken. Maybe it was the pilates classes? you should be more careful to warm up before exercising.

Him: Ah, so thou dost now know how to leave matters to the Sanhedrin.

At this point I turned to Justin.

"What? What? Where do you get the Sanhedrin? That doesn't even make sense in response to what I said. You fail, this is over."

Apparently, he read pilates as "Pilate's" as in Pontius Pilate... I don't even know... That still wouldn't have made sense because Pilate wasn't even in the Sanhedrin. XD

Whatever. XD