The last paper I'll ever write in high school.

At the start of each year, my mother has us write goal papers based on Luke 2:52: “and Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men.” We set goals in those four categories and evaluate our progress in another paper at the end of the year. As this is my final year of high school, I thought I would expand my evaluation to include the last four years.

Looking at each of these papers, I am able to decipher a bit of my personality at the time… the paper from 2008-2009 is short and to the point. I was completing an assignment that after several years had become monotonous. Somehow, I used the term “lol” and a winky face (with a nose… I never do that anymore) without getting in trouble, even if it was a school paper. 

The paper from 2009-2010 is completely in default fonts. It contains definitions of each of the categories, likely to make my paper appear longer and more intellectual. Unfortunately, any intellectual merit is undermined by the red watermark in the background proclaiming “NINJAS” and the bunny made out of parentheses and other symbols at the end of the paper. I really don’t know how I got away with that.

My 2010-2011 paper shows more merit in design. The colors are consistent and the fonts and sizes are varied to the positive effect of organization and making the proper things stand out. I included related Bible verses for each goal. I did not try to abandon humor—the verse related to my learner’s permit spoke of driving flocks and herds.

My most recent goals paper also boasts good layout and design, but I may have gone overboard on the text effects. Reflections and gradients probably were not necessary. I put quotes before each section and avoided goofy pictures or internet speak. My writing in this one was probably the best.

While the writing style and format of a paper are very important, the content is what I am assigned to evaluate, so I should begin reviewing that.

In the category of wisdom and academics, my goals were as follows: as a freshman I aspired to improve my writing by journaling every day and doing creative writing. I hoped to honor God in everything I wrote so that readers would be able to tell that I loved Him. As a sophomore, my wisdom goal was to make better choices in media. On the academic side, I hoped to improve my writing once again and to complete a novel. As a junior, my academic goal was to learn how to drive. As a senior, I set a goal to plan my time better.

So how has all this worked out for me? I definitely do not journal every day. Habits have always been a bit difficult for me, as I tend to do things when I feel I need to, rather than on a regular schedule. Over the last few months I have been blogging semi-regularly, however, which is close to journaling. I have definitely improved my writing, as I hoped to for most of these years. I have written stories, papers, and four novels—yes, four!  In addition, each of those novels was written in less than a month as part of NaNoWriMo (go look it up).

I do believe I have made better media choices of late. In fact, I have discovered that I have a passion and calling to wholesome media. While it is nearly impossible to only take in squeaky-clean media (unless it’s super-boring), I make sure that my output is wholesome and I become very happy when I find a quality show that is also clean. I then usually proceed to recommend it to everyone who I think would like it.

I have learned to drive and now take myself to theatre class and to youth group, and I drive my siblings to various places when Mom needs me to.

Unfortunately, my time-scheduling goals have been forgotten. Even though I might not go to bed at two all the time anymore, I still consistently find myself up too late and sleeping far past the time I should. I still do not prioritize well, and end up working on things too late at night or watching anime when I should be doing schoolwork (and Hetalia does not count as history, so that’s a bad excuse.) I know time management is an essential skill, especially in college, so during the summer I need to build good habits. This means no sleeping in too late, no staying up too late, and getting things done during the day.

My goals for physical growth were mostly maintenance goals by the time I started high school. I had finished most of my growing and now needed to deal with body odor and oily skin. As a freshman, I simply resolved to brush my teeth three times each day and shower each day as well.  In my sophomore year I planned to use my acne medication regularly and keep my hands off of my face. I dropped my daily tooth cleaning goal to twice (I was still only managing once a day).  As a junior, I attempted to incorporate exercise into my daily life because blocking off a time to exercise was extremely unmotivating. As a senior I was extremely health-oriented. I made multiple food goals including the exclusion of processed foods from my diet, less meat, and fewer sweets.  I also still aimed to have a more active lifestyle overall, though my idea was to watch TV and run on a treadmill at the same time.

I have made a lot of progress in the area of health. I am very aware of my eating choices and have gone mostly vegetarian. I do not avoid all processed foods yet (cheese sticks are a weakness of mine) and I choose whole grains and fewer ingredients whenever possible. I got a nice food-tracking app for my iPod called Calorific. It is simple and doesn’t require me to examine every label. I simply approximate sizes and nutrition of what I’m eating, and at the end of the day I have a pie chart of the proportion of “great” to “okay” to “bad” food as well as a meter telling me approximately how much of my recommended calories I have eaten that day.

I have exercised a lot more—a friend gave me DanceDance Revolution for Christmas and I’ve been using it since March. Since I have started using the app to keep track of what I eat and DDR to exercise, I have actually lost about five or six pounds (I did not really need to but it feels nice and my clothes fit a bit differently). I plan to keep up these habits.

As for showering, I always shower before I go to bed unless I am tired enough that I think I would fall asleep in the shower, and that does not happen often. I do not like feeling dirty or sweaty. However, I currently feel a bit greasy because I am starting an experiment on the effects of soap and things like that. I want to see how my body naturally regulates oils on my skin and hair when I stay hydrated and only wash with water instead of stripping away the oils with a bunch of chemicals.

As for brushing my teeth, I still only brush once a day, but I have come to a point where I’m okay with that. I have a whole theory on it and if you ask, I will explain it to you. I haven’t had a cavity in my life, so I am sure I am fine.

My goals for favor with God, or spiritual growth, have gone a little something like this:

Freshman Claire wanted to have a quiet time every day. Sophmore Claire wanted to expand that by meditating on her daily readings. Junior Claire wanted to listen to what God has to say about people instead of judging them. Senior Claire wished to take control of her thoughts and think about good things and not bad ones.

I have slipped in and out of Bible-reading habits over the years. As I stated before, I am not particularly good with habits. The same is true of praying—I seem to have dry spots. I am sure that can be considered normal, but I still want to press on and rebuild habits where they break. I have some meaningful pre-written prayers that I want to begin using every night and morning along with my own prayers and reading the Bible.

I cannot say I have been particularly successful in listening to what God has to say about people or anything else for that matter. While God does show me things through other means, I avoid sitting still and silent and listening or just being with Him. I suppose I am kind of intimidated by it, but I am not completely sure why. Obviously, there is still progress to be made here.

I am pleased to report that for the most part my head has been a cleaner, more pleasant, and safe place to be. It took a lot of prayer, and I still struggle sometimes, but cleaning up my media intake seemed to have helped. Also, the fact that I am less interested in guys and marriage than I used to be and that most of the romance that I think about is between characters in stories helps me to keep my thoughts more pure.  Most of my problems actually come from being exposed to more harsh language than I have in the past, but there is almost no way I can change that, so I seem to have installed some sturdy filters and when something sneaks past them, I give it to God to dispose of for me.

I know this is long, but here is the last category: favor with men, or social and relational goals. When I was a freshman, my goal was to avoid judging people by their appearances. As a sophomore I aimed to become more talkative and outgoing, since I considered myself shy but hyper and capable of being loud. In my junior year, my goal was similar to my “favor with God” goal—I wanted to show Christian love to everyone even if I did not like them. Finally, last year I aspired to treat my family with more respect and to spend more time with my friends, whether that be calling or visiting.

I feel that I still judge people a bit too much, but I may have made a small amount of progress in this area. There have been several times when I’ve been surprised by someone that I thought I did not like. Closely related is my junior year goal. Even when I do not like someone, I do try to treat them with Christian love. This will become an even bigger challenge for me when I am thrust into the “real world” in the fall.

My goal for breaking out of my introverted nature seemed to be succeeding for a while, but it seemed that it was only a fluke. I have come to be perfectly okay with my introverted tendencies, though. In fact, I embrace them! It does present a challenge when I have an idea but do not contribute in time, however, if what I have to say is of importance, I am able to make myself heard.

I have even made some more friends since middle school, albeit most of them are online. They’re pretty cool. Shadow and Sasune and Oro are all very lovely.

What really makes me smile is that I have had the same best friends all throughout high school and I will bet they will still be my best friends through college and beyond. While I have had some other friends that I have considered close, Bethany, Emma, and Peggy are stuck to my heart with super glue and I love them a lot.

I feel like I may be a bit kinder to my family than I was at the start of the year, but I still need to work on that. Level Josh has not yet been achieved. 

In conclusion, I have grown a lot in many ways during my high school years, but I still have a long way to go. Even though this leg of the journey is over, I still have many adventures ahead of me (unless I get hit by a car tomorrow or something).