Giving up?!?

Hello, random russians and friends. It is approximately seven ante meridian and I just enjoyed the experience of two alarm clocks going off at once (not my own... I've been up for about ten minutes since my clock tends to run fast). They were almost musical in the way they went off together. There goes another one, by itself. Hehehe. Another thought on alarm clocks OH LOOK ANOTHER ONE (my entire family is waking up). My other thought is that alarm clocks get too harsh too early. You start with a little beep (not pleasant but not too annoying) and as you begin to wade your way out of the slushy, thick pools of sleep, it becomes angry-sounding almost right away.
I hate angry sounding noises. They are so stressful. I often bang the snooze button on my alarm clock before I even flip the switch to off. (Don't worry, I keep my alarm clock in my closet to deter the staying-in-bed-and-turning-the-clock off thing. Even if I hit snooze three times, by the end of it, I've walked across my room six times).
I can understand wanting to wake up to music or a sound that gradually fades in. How less stressful! :'D But the problem is that if it is pleasant I may continue laying in my bed listening to the beautiful noises.
I think my main problem with getting up is my lack of window. Whenever I stay over at a friend's house, even if I was up way late, the sunshine wakes me up before anyone else. That's not to say that once I regularly have a window I will always get up (I'd probably learn to ignore it just like learning to ignore pleasant music). The best fix is probably just to go to bed earlier.

Well, I didn't mean to write a post about alarm clocks. Or sleeping. Or getting up.

What I meant to tell you is that I'm giving up. (I almost wrote getting up there.)

"NO CLAIRE DON'T GIVE UP ON LIFE"
I didn't say life. >__> Anyway, what kind of person muses on lifelong habits like waking up in the morning if they don't plan to for much longer? :PPPPP

Okay, that was an unnecessary paragraph. You probably didn't assume I was giving up on life in the first place. But what am I giving up on?
Writing.

NOT FOREVER DON'T FREAK OUT I LOVE WRITING

I'm quitting (that may be a better word) my personal NaNoWriMo this August. I've been storyless and easily distracted, and the story I really want to be focusing on isn't a novel at all. Maybe these are all excuses, but I really have no need of yet another raw novel at this point, especially one turning out this way. I do like the characters--I may re-use them somewhere.
The lack of motivation has been most of it, I think. NaNoWriMo works for me because there's a deadline, a really tight goal. Those drive me to write. Word wars are also my friends. As I writer, I can hardly get anything done otherwise. The problem with doing NaNoWriMo out of season is that while I have a goal and maybe even a few recruited partners, I'm not racing anybody. I mean, I did just say I recruited some people, but many (or maybe all? I don't know) of them haven't made any progress or at least haven't been checking in. And there's no drive to be the "elite" and finish faster than the slowpokes who only write 1667 words per day.
I feel bad about giving up, really. But I'm not going to stop writing.

The story I want to focus on now is the superhero story. It needs so much brainstorming and turning over. I need to write freewrites and drabbles and backstories and I also need to be sketching it a lot. I feel like I haven't been hardly drawing at all this month and I am ashamed. If it comes down to it, I'd choose drawing over writing, so if I'm wasting all my time procrastinating from writing, I'm not doing anything I love.

This doesn't really feel like a defeat since I have inspiring excuses, but if any of my friends are actually still doing this, I'm sad to let them down. I'll be doing November as usual (and maybe the structure of school and not having time to write will help me to squeeze it in wherever possible instead of prorastinating).

I don't think I'll have a specific writing goal for this month anymore, but rather I'll sketch and write when I feel it would be beneficial to me or when I have free time or whatever. I also. need. to. stop. browsing. tumblr. That place is a time eater (understatement) and while there are some amusing or cool things on it, my usual emotion after looking at pages and pages of my friends' reblogs is "blah" because rarely any of it is a proper level of brilliance. I don't follow anyone, so I have to pointedly go to my friends' pages, but I don't even want to be doing that, honestly. I just want to blog stuff for other people to enjoy/waste their time looking at, and spend my time elsewhere.

Well, this has been really long. Today I need to clean my room and possibly my email inbox. Oh my gingersnaps. Six thousand and one emails because I never delete them, but now I want to delete them so that I only have emails I need in my inbox. And I guess if there are funny ones I can file them away somewhere. Ciao!